Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
