your room smells of hookers.
And success
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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