Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
