the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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