for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
