i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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