someone threw a dead crab at me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
