I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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