are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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