Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize