I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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