Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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