she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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