He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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