Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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