you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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