i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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