Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
