so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
