Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
