were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
