Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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