we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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