That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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