i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
