Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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