Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
