I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
