remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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