I seem to have left my pride at pride
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
