Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have already put on my inside pants.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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