Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
