apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
