dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
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