I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
