Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
