i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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