Your face is a jimmy john
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize