I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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