So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
