Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
