If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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