When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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