R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
