I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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