Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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