At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize