You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
