Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
