i just google imaged poop.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
