Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
