I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
