You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
