...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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