I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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