There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
