My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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