i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
