sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
