I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Verdict: uncircumcised.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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