My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
