this beer tastes like vomit already
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize