You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
