You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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