I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
