We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
