Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
