dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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