guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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