do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
