Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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