I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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